


Weather the Storm

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I apologize in advance, and fluff, and hurt/comfort, because this is so self-indulgent and I love hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 11:45:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11782470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: Being a Ghostbuster is a dangerous job, so all four of them almost expect to get hurt one day. What no one of them expects is a random act of violence which lands one of them in the hospital, but also leads to two of them growing closer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! This fic sort of wrote itself, which was a bit scary at times, haha. There'll be SO MUCH HURT/COMFORT because it's one of the most self-indulgent fics I have done, ahem. Enjoy :)

“So what are your plans for the weekend Holtzy?” Patty wanted to know as she packed her things up Friday afternoon, “please tell me you don’t plan to work on Saturday and Sunday, too.”

“Maybe I’m gonna”, Holtzmann gave back, making Patty roll her eyes while Abby and Erin both just smiled, well aware that Holtzmann was just as much a workaholic as they both were, tendencies which Patty tried to reign in the best she could – she enjoyed her new job too, especially since the move into the firehouse three months ago and the government-paid salary and health care which had come with said move, but she valued her private life, too, and was determined to make sure the other members of the team would actually _have_ a private life to speak of.

“But not tonight”, Holtzmann added, to the historian’s not very well hidden relief, “tonight, I’m gonna hit my favourite bar. Holtzy deserves a drink!”

“Or two”, Patty nodded, smiling again; Abby was grinning too, but Erin’s smile, the historian noticed, looked a bit forced, and she wondered when the physicist would say something. Or _if_ she ever would say something.

Patty knew people, and she was perceptive, something which had been quite useful for her job at the MTA; and this perceptiveness and ability to read people had made it quite clear to her quite quickly that Erin was much more receptive to Holtzmann’s flirting than the engineer herself probably had noticed, and that the awkward giggling had changed to a flattered laugh, but while Patty noticed these things, Holtzmann either didn’t or didn’t think that it was enough to prompt her into making a serious move.

_Holtzy, baby,_ she thought to herself, nearly grimacing at how oblivious Holtzmann apparently was to the look of longing Erin shot her, _she’s just waiting for you to ask her out. Say something!_

Sadly, projecting her thoughts was not a skill she possessed, and so, Holtzmann did not ask Erin if the redhead wanted to join her; instead, she wished them a nice weekend, then headed out, unaware of the longing look Erin shot her as she left.

“So, uh”, the physicist said the moment Holtzmann was out the door, fingers starting to fidget as she started to feel nervous, “what sort of bar is Holtzmann talking about?”

“Oh a gay bar”, Abby replied, and while Erin had sort of expected this, it still made her heart and stomach clench up painfully, “she’s been going there for years, ever since she moved to NY. She took me along once, literally everyone knows her there.”

“Ah”, Erin let out, giving her best to sound neutral, but unable to keep a slight hint of dismay out of her voice, especially when she continued, “that… sounds nice. So, uh… she goes there often, yes? Does she… you know… take people… women? Home?”

“Oh my _God_ ”, Abby let out in response, sounding exasperated and even throwing her hands up, “Erin, really?! Just ask her out already, jeez!”

Erin blushed brightly in reply, but didn’t say anything; Patty just rolled her eyes at their antics, then wished them a nice weekend and warned them once more to not set foot in the firehouse during the weekend before she headed out, as well, the two women following a few minutes later, walking to the subway together.

“Seriously”, Abby said as just before they had to part ways there, “talk to Holtz, okay? I’ve told you, her flirting is not just something she does with everyone, she just does it with you.”

“I know”, Erin sighed, blushing again, another sigh following her words, “I’m just… you know. Not good at this. Which sucks, because she’s not gonna ask me out as long as she thinks I might tell her no. I feel like we’re stuck in a sort of holding pattern and don’t know how to get out of it.”

“I told you how to get out of it”, Abby gave back, shaking her head for emphasis, “ask her out! She’s not gonna say No, I guarantee you that.”

“If you’re wrong, I’ll make you pay for all the comfort food I’ll need to mend my broken heart”, Erin told her, earning a snort from her best friend; then, Abby nodded her agreement, and after this, they parted ways, Erin heading to her apartment where a relaxing weekend would await her – but not one without any work at all, no matter what Patty was saying – but already looking forward to Monday, enjoying her job more than she ever had her work at the university.

* * *

When Erin’s phone rang, she at first had no idea what was going on, the ringtone awfully loud in the quiet apartment; disoriented and confused, she sat up in the darkness, her phone vibrating noisily on the nightstand now, as well, the light of the display way too bright in the darkness of her bedroom, even with the small nightlight she had on her nightstand.

Groaning at the interruption of her sleep, Erin groped for her phone, needing a few moments until her bleary eyes could make out the contact name of the caller; and when she saw that it was Abby, she thought nothing of it at first, assuming that a call had come in and that Abby was waking her up to tell her they had to go to a late-night bust.

“I wish ghosts would stick to office hours”, she grumbled, then took the call, “hey Abby. Bust?”

“No”, Abby replied, and something about her tone told Erin at once that something much worse was going on, and suddenly, she wished that it was a bust, knowing she didn’t want to hear what her best friend would tell her next.

“Bellevue called”, Abby let her know, and her heart started to hammer in her chest so fast she was surprised it didn’t actually hurt, “the, um, the hospital, they…”

Her voice cracked, showing how upset she was, and Erin continued for her, feeling oddly numb now, not even fully registering how toneless her voice was as she spoke up.

“It’s Holtz, isn’t it”, she half stated, half asked, “you’re her emergency contact, it said so on the paperwork we did for the mayor…”

“Yes”, Abby brought out, sounding close to tears now, “they wouldn’t give me any details on the phone, just said she was taken there, we have to go there, meet there, maybe there was an accident…”

“I’ll meet you there”, Erin told her, still feeling numb, but oddly calm now, too, perhaps because neither of them knew how bad it really was, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, she thought to herself, maybe Holtzmann was okay and it was just a big misunderstanding, or she wasn’t badly hurt at all, “I’ll call a cab right now. Do you want me to call one for you too? Or, wait, I’ll call one and we’ll stop at your place, we should get Patty, too, and maybe Kevin…”

“Not Kevin”, Abby decided, having calmed down a bit while Erin had been speaking, “it would take too long to explain this to him, but yes, the rest sounds good, I’ll call Patty, you call the cab, pick me up, then her.”

“Alright”, Erin agreed, glad that they had some sort of plan now, small as it was, “I’ll call a cab right away, I’ll see you in a few.”

Abby let out a vaguely agreeing noise, then let Erin know she’d call Patty next; and then, she hung up, and Erin called a cab before she threw on the first clothes she could find, not caring if they matched or were wrinkled, grabbing her phone and wallet afterwards before she rushed out of the apartment, the fear taking over again now as all she could do was wait for the cab and find out what had happened to the woman she had been crushing on for what felt like forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Erin had never been a big fan of hospitals, and the lack of information was only making this dislike worse; she fidgeted in the uncomfortable seat while Abby paced and Patty nervously fiddled with her bag, the three of them having spent the past thirty minutes waiting for someone to tell them what had happened to Holtzmann.

“What is taking so long”, Abby growled after another five minutes had ticked by and neither a doctor, nor a nurse was in sight, “do we have to start yelling at people to get some information?”

“Give them a few more minutes”, Erin advised, not wanting to cause a scene – her anxiety was bad enough already at the whole situation, without needing to add to it by having people stare at them, “I’m sure someone will be here any minute now…”

Abby grumbled something about ten more minutes, but thankfully, a doctor did approach them before those ten minutes were up, looking somewhat bored and not as if he cared all too much, the same lack of interest in his voice when he asked if they were here for Doctor Jillian Holtzmann.

“Yes”, Abby coldly responded, not caring for the man’s tone at all; Erin and Patty came to their feet, the doctor briefly glancing at them before he looked at the chart he was carrying.

“Dr Holtzmann was brought here at 2:27 a.m.”, he let them know, focused more on his chart than on them, “her injuries suggest a physical altercation at an earlier time. Nothing life-threatening, but we do want to keep her here for the rest of the night, among other things, she’s got a concussion.”

“A physical altercation?” Erin repeated, shocked, “she got into a fist-fight?”

“Something like that”, the doctor replied with a small shrug, his lack of care making Erin angry now, as well, “someone found her passed out on the sidewalk and called an ambulance. You want to see her?”

Abby just nodded, not trusting herself to speak, knowing that the risk she might just yell at the man was too big; he turned and walked off in response, the three women trailing along behind him and exchanging uneasy glances as they did so, until he stopped in front of one of the rooms and vaguely gestured at the door.

“Ten minutes”, he said, walking off before any of them had the chance to react; Abby stared after him, and took in a deep breath, fighting the urge to yell at him after all – and then Erin opened the door to Holtzmann’s room, and all thoughts of yelling at the man were forgotten.

“Oh my God”, Erin whispered next to her, showing that she was just as shocked as Abby; Patty just took in a sharp gasp, and for a few seconds, they all just stood there, frozen by the sight of their friend.

If Holtzmann really had gotten into a fight, Erin dully thought to herself, it certainly had been quite one-sided; the engineer’s face was heavily bruised and marred with cuts, lips and nose and eyes swollen, the dark bruises around her eyes telling Erin that her nose had been broken, and her stomach clenched as she thought of how much worse the blonde had to look beneath the hospital gown and blanket covering her.

She barely registered that she had gotten moving until she stood right next to the bed; Holtzmann was either fast asleep or out cold, not reacting the slightest when Erin touched the back of her hand – her stomach clenching again when she took note of how her index and middle finger had been bandaged thickly, showing they were broken or at least injured, as well – the slow and steady rise and fall of her chest not changing in rhythm even when Erin ran her fingertips over her bruised skin.

“If Holtzy got into a fight, I’ll eat my _History of NYC_ book”, Patty regained the ability to speak, sounding oddly strangled, as if she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs, “that looks more as if she got beaten up with no chance to fight back.”

Erin nodded, not sure what else to say; a bunch of unpleasant scenarios and possibilities flooded her mind as she looked at her injured friend, and her heart ached for the engineer, but she knew that for now, there was nothing they could do but wait until Holtzmann would wake up and tell them what had happened, unable to shake off the dark sense of foreboding though which had formed in her mind the moment she had gotten a good look at the engineer, suddenly sure that this would have much bigger consequences than any of them could imagine right now.

* * *

Even though the doctor had told them they’d only have ten minutes, no one had come to kick them out of the room, and so, the three women had stayed; at some point, Erin had drifted off into an uneasy sleep, jerking awake though shortly after six a.m., at first not sure what had woken her, then knowing what it had been when she heard a soft groan from the bed.

Abby and Patty were still fast asleep, she noticed as she got up from the seat as fast as she could, her back protesting at the position she had been asleep in for a few hours; for a moment, she considered waking them up, then realized that Holtzmann, while awake, appeared somewhat dazed and confused, and didn’t want to overwhelm her by having all three of them hovering around her, and so, she kept her voice low as she hurried to the blonde’s side and said her name.

“Holtz, it’s okay, you’re safe”, she whispered when fear flashed up in the engineer’s blue eyes, “you’re at the hospital. We’re all here, it’s okay.”

To her relief, Holtzmann relaxed visibly at hearing her voice, even though her breath still was going faster than it probably should; eager to make her feel better and calmer, Erin took gentle hold of her hand, mindful of her broken fingers, then moved her other hand to caress her hair, hoping there were no wounds hidden beneath the blonde strands, her heart clenching as she had to mindful of the cut through the engineer’s eyebrow which had been closed with a couple of stitches.

She wanted to ask her what had happened, how she had been hurt like this, but Holtzmann looked too dazed and perhaps was on painkillers, too, and so Erin held back, just giving her some comfort as the blonde let out another soft groan.

“It’s okay”, Erin repeated, not quite sure what else to say, Abby and Patty stirring as well at this point, close to waking up, “get some more rest, okay? The doctor will be here to check on you soon, then you can go home.”

She hoped that she hadn’t spoken too soon now, but Holtzmann looked a bit calmer now, and not long after that, her eyes drifted shut again; and by the time Abby and Patty moved to Erin’s side, the engineer was fast asleep again, the three women sitting in silence as the blonde slept, still wondering what had happened and what Holtzmann would tell them once she’d be awake and aware enough to speak.


	3. Chapter 3

Holtzmann still was somewhat dazed when another doctor showed up a few minutes past eight to check on her, but much more aware than she had been when she had woken up earlier; and even though this doctor was nicer and appeared more interested in her as a patient than the previous one, she clearly wasn’t willing to stay in the hospital longer than she absolutely had to.

“Well, from a medical standpoint, I suppose you can be released”, the doctor said once she had made her intentions quite clear to him, “but I do recommend that you have someone keep an eye on you for at least another twenty-four hours, you did get a concussion.”

“We’ll make sure she’s okay”, Erin hastily threw in, easily able to tell how desperately Holtzmann wanted to leave, and all too aware of the engineer’s dislike of hospitals, even bigger than her own, “so if you really think it’s okay…”

The doctor didn’t look all too happy, but nodded his agreement and told Holtzmann he would get the papers ready; he left the room to do just that, and for a few moments, there was silence, then Erin spoke up, taking note of how Holtzmann was avoiding it to look at them, picking at a loose thread of her blanket and staring at said thread with great concentration.

“Holtz?” the physicist said, worried at how uncharacteristically quiet the blonde was, “do you want to go home? Or to the firehouse? We can stay there with you if you like, it’s no problem.”

“Firehouse”, Holtzmann mumbled, still not looking up; the three women exchanged a worried glance, then Abby inched closer to the bed, giving her best to sound calm and reassuring when she asked the engineer what had happened.

“I don’t want to talk about it”, the engineer gave back, her picking of the thread intensifying; this answer only worried them all more, but they knew that pushing her wouldn’t lead anywhere, and so, Abby just nodded, reaching out and briefly touching the engineer’s shoulder, not even making her look up with the tender gesture though.

“Alright”, the doctor said as he returned to the room, the papers Holtzmann needed to sign to be released in hand, “I’ll need your signature here and here. I’ll write you a prescription for painkillers and some salve with a numbing agent for the bruising and the broken ribs.”

Holtzmann gave a barely perceptible nod as she scribbled her signature onto the papers; belatedly, she then realized that she had no clothes she could wear for the way home, and she swallowed heavily, for the first time raising her gaze to look at her friends, an audible tremble in her voice when she spoke up.

“I, um, I need some clothes”, she mumbled, still finding it hard to look any of them in the eye, “the ones I had got… dirty. Can you get me some from the firehouse?”

“I’ll go”, Abby said, coming to her feet, “you guys stay here with Holtzy?”

Erin and Patty nodded, even though Patty got up, too, letting them know that she would find them some snacks and something to drink at Erin’s questioning look; the physicist smiled slightly and nodded, Patty smiling back at her before she left the room with Abby, gently closing the door behind herself.

“We can stay at the firehouse with you”, Erin told her after a minute had ticked by in silence, “you shouldn’t be alone with a concussion.”

Holtzmann just shrugged, then gave another short nod; Erin felt her heart clench up at how subdued and quiet the engineer was, and suddenly, she just knew that this wasn’t just a side-effect of medication Holtzmann had been given, her uncharacteristic behaviour and refusal to talk about what had happened caused by something much more dreadful.

“We’ll make sure you’ll be okay”, she said, not wanting to make her feel even worse by pushing about what had happened again, “I promise. I’ll even buy you all the Pringles you want, okay?”

Not even the promise of salty parabolas got a smile from Holtzmann though, the engineer just giving another brief nod; not quite sure what else she could say or do to make this better, Erin just reached out and took her hand again, glad when at least, Holtzmann didn’t pull back from her touch, her mind whirling with all sorts of horrible things which might have happened to the blonde, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to rest easy until she’d know for sure what exactly had happened the previous night.

* * *

From the way Holtzmann moved as she got out of Ecto-1 and made her way into the firehouse, the other Ghostbusters could easily tell that she was in pain; she moved slower than usual, and oddly stiff, something the other three women blamed on the broken ribs and other bruises which probably were there, hidden beneath the baggy clothing Abby had brought for her friend.

“Okay”, Patty said, clapping her hands and in a tone which wouldn’t allow any protest, “you go sit or lie down on the couch Holtzy, and you only get up in case you have to pee. Other than that, I don’t want you to get up from that couch for the rest of the day, alright?”

On any other day, if she’d gotten hurt on a bust or during a medium poof up in her lab, Holtzmann would have protested, or outright refused; the fact that she just nodded and moved to the couch was just another sign that something was very wrong, Erin and Abby exchanging another worried look, their concern only growing at how slowly and carefully Holtzmann lowered herself onto the soft cushions.

“Do you need anything?” Patty wanted to know, “something to eat or to drink? Pringles?”

Holtzmann shook her head, a brief, but intense flash of pain on her face when she moved on the couch to lie flat on her back; Erin never had had broken ribs, but figured that those had to hurt, and checked her watch, remembering what the doctor had said about the painkillers he’d prescribed the engineer.

“Just another hour”, she said as she moved over to the couch and lowered herself into a crouch next to it, ignoring how her knees cracked audibly at the unusual position, “then you can take one of those painkillers. Is it bad…?”

“Breathing hurts”, Holtzmann mumbled after a moment, making Erin wonder if she had been close to not saying anything or perhaps denying her obvious pain, “guess having a broken nose and broken ribs at the same time makes it extra sucky, huh?”

She sounded a bit more like her old self at the last few words, and even managed a slight smile; Erin smiled back at her, then touched her hand briefly again before she put the small orange tube of painkillers on the small table next to the touch, letting Holtzmann know that she’d bring her a glass of water once she could safely take another one of the small white pills.

As she turned away from the couch, and once she could be sure that Holtzmann couldn’t see her features anymore, her smile faded and was replaced with worry again – because while Holtzmann had sounded more like her old self, and had smiled, the smile hadn’t reached her eyes, and Erin just knew that it had been fake and probably to stop her from worrying.

If that had been Holtzmann’s intention, it hadn’t worked at all.


	4. Chapter 4

A short while after she had taken the painkiller, Holtzmann had gotten drowsy, then had fallen asleep; and Erin could tell that it wasn’t as relaxing as it should have been, the engineer moaning in her slumber every now and then, her face working as bad dreams plagued her.

_Bad dreams or memories,_ Erin thought to herself, not sure if she should try waking the blonde up or not; she knew that people with a concussion should be woken up more or less regularly, but on the other hand, Holtzmann could need the rest to heal, and so, she was insecure of what to do, fidgeting on her seat as she watched the engineer sleep, the book she’d been reading still in her hands, but forgotten.

Finally, when Holtzmann let out another pained moan, Erin couldn’t take it anymore and decided to wake her up; just when she got up from her seat though, Holtzmann suddenly opened her eyes, and her gaze was so filled with fear that it made Erin’s heart clench up again.

“Holtz”, she quickly said, not wanting her to slip into a panic attack, knowing all too well how it felt, “it’s okay, you’re at the firehouse, and you’re safe.”

For a few moments, Holtzmann just stared into nothingness, breathing heavily; and then, she started to cry, and Erin had never felt so helpless, almost bursting into tears as well, realizing that this was the first time she saw the engineer cry, she had been close when she had made her toast back at the bar, before they had moved to the firehouse, but no tears had actually fallen back then.

“Hey, Holtz, aw”, she babbled nonsensically as she moved to the couch, slowly putting one arm around her, then adding the other one when Holtzmann didn’t react negatively to the touch, “it’s okay, come here…”

She didn’t tell her not to cry or to stop crying, knowing that would only make it worse; instead, she simply pulled the engineer closer, momentarily thinking of rubbing her back, then deciding against it, realizing that there might be bruises there, as well, and that she’d only make it worse if she’d accidentally hurt her friend.

“It’s okay”, she said again, cursing the fact that this outburst had happened just now, when Abby had gone out to get lunch and Patty had been forced to head out, having family obligations she couldn’t get out of, “it’s okay Holtz, I’m right here, you’ll be fine.”

Holtzmann clung to her in response, the best she could with having two broken fingers on one hand, and buried her face in the physicist’s shoulder; holding her close, Erin tried to give her some comfort, tried to reassure her that she was there, hoping that she could make this a bit easier for her.

“…I couldn’t do anything”, Holtzmann whispered after just having cried in Erin’s arms for a while, the physicist realizing that she was about to be told what had happened, “I was all on my own and I couldn’t… I tried but…”

“What happened?” Erin dared to ask again, worrying that it might be too soon, that it might make Holtzmann clam up again; instead, the engineer pulled back a bit from the hug, not looking at Erin though, staring at the floor between her feet as her hand come up to play with her pendant, the flow of tears lessening, but not stopping completely, not yet.

“I wanted to go home”, Holtzmann told her after just fiddling the pendant for a while, still not looking at her, her voice having taken on the stilted tone again she always had when she was uncomfortable, “I’d had a good time and wanted to go home, from the bar, and when I left…”

Erin wasn’t sure she wanted to hear this, but she knew that Holtzmann had to tell someone, that she had to get it off her chest; and so, she rubbed her back encouragingly now after all, hoping she wasn’t hurting her, but if she did, Holtzmann either didn’t notice or didn’t let it show.

“They jumped me”, Holtzmann finally said, swallowing heavily, bringing up her free hand to rub at her eyes, in an oddly childlike gesture, “three of them. I don’t think they were after me personally, they were just drunk and saw that it was a gay bar and I came out of it at the wrong time, if I had left five minutes earlier or later… But I didn’t, so I was there when they walked past, and saw me leave that bar and then they jumped me. It happened so fast Erin, I didn’t even realize what going on when one of them hit me right in the face…”

“Jesus”, Erin let out, her voice trembling audibly even during this one short word; Holtzmann looked at her, for a second, then her gaze dropped down to the floor again, her tone still stilted when she spoke on.

“I tried to fight back, I really did”, she said, so soft that it was barely audible, “but there were three of them and I was on my own and at some point all I could do was curl up and try to keep them from kicking my head, I couldn’t do anything…”

“It’s not your fault”, Erin reassured her at once, knowing the feelings of self-hatred and shame which certainly plagued Holtzmann now, having experienced them herself more than enough during her school years, when she had been bullied relentlessly, “there was nothing you could have done.”

She pulled Holtzmann closer again and rubbed her back, then remembered what the blonde had said about being on the ground and the men kicking her; she froze, then cleared her throat, her voice trembling again at her next words.

“I’m not hurting you, am I”, she wanted to know, almost pulling her hand back; Holtzmann shook her head though, and for a moment she was relieved… until the engineer spoke up, and Erin’s heart broke all over again.

“Doesn’t matter if you do that or not”, the engineer mumbled, fingers still nervously playing with her pendant, “it hurts anyway. The painkillers dull it a bit but… maybe there’s just too much. But it makes me feel better so… please don’t stop?”

“I won’t if you don’t want me to”, Erin reassured her, beginning to move her hand in soothing circles again; Holtzmann gave her a weak, watery smile, but one which was much more genuine than the one she had shown earlier, and Erin smiled back at her, glad that the flow of tears had stopped at this point.

“Thank you for telling me”, she then said, fighting the sudden urge to kiss the top of Holtzmann’s head, not sure if such a gesture would be welcome at this very moment, “I know this wasn’t easy, and it means a lot that you told me. You know we’ll do what we can to help, right?”

“…there’s something you can do”, Holtzmann mumbled after half a minute had ticked by in silence, “I, uh… the doc gave me that cream stuff but I can’t reach my back so…”

“I’ll help you”, Erin said at once, earning another weak smile, “whenever you’re ready, okay?”

“Thank you”, Holtzmann whispered, made no move to get up yet though; and so, Erin just kept holding her close, and kept rubbing her back, her heart aching for the engineer and at what had been done to her friend, and she wondered how much of her trauma Holtzmann was still hiding and how much worse this might get before the engineer could get better.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has somewhat graphic descriptions of injuries, so proceed with care.

By the time Abby had come back with lunch, Holtzmann had calmed down somewhat, but it still had been quite obvious that she’d been crying; the researcher had given Erin a worried look in response to the engineer’s bloodshot eyes, but Erin had just answered with a brief shake of her head, signalling that they’d talk later, and not quite sure if Holtzmann would be alright with her telling Abby what the engineer had revealed.

At least, Erin thought to herself, Holtzmann ate a bit of the food Abby had brought, even though it clearly hurt her to do so; due to her obvious pain, it wasn’t surprising that she stopped after half of the portion Abby had gotten her, mumbling an apology before she gave Erin an insecure look.

“Um, Erin”, she then said, hand coming up to tug at her ear, “could we…?”

“Sure”, Erin caught on quickly, “I’ll meet you in the bathroom?”

Holtzmann nodded and slowly got up from the couch, grimacing as she came to her feet; her walk to the bathroom was just as slow and careful, and it hurt Erin’s heart – she had seen her get hurt before, during busts or lab accident, but she never had moved like this, not even when she had hit her head hard enough one time to end up with a laceration which had bled all over the place.

“She’s told me a bit of what happened”, Erin let Abby know once Holtzmann was out of earshot, “but… I’m not sure she’ll want me to tell you guys. I’ll try to find out and let you know, okay?”

“I’m just glad she told you”, Abby sighed, with a worried look at the bathroom door, “if she hadn’t said anything to anyone… That would have been bad.”

Erin nodded, then grabbed the tube of cream the doctor had prescribed; she took in a deep breath, knowing it wouldn’t be a nice sight, then went to join Holtzmann in the bathroom, determined to help her the best she could.

She had tried to prepare herself for what she was about to see, even though she knew how bad it would be when she had to help Holtzmann out of her shirt, the engineer not able to lift her arms far enough to pull it off on her own; and when it did come off, Erin’s breath got caught in her throat and tears blurred her sight all at once as she couldn’t imagine how much all of this had to hurt.

Holtzmann’s back was more bruised than there was unmarred skin, scratches and cuts strewn among the angry blue and purple; the bruising was even worse at her rib cage, almost black where ribs had been broken, and as if all of that wasn’t enough, her upper arms and shoulders were bruised, too, showing where they had kicked her when she had tried to protect her head.

“My God, Holtzmann”, Erin brought out, a few tears escaping and rolling down her cheeks, then fell silent, realizing she once again had no idea what to say; and so, she reached out and briefly touched her shoulder, then cleared her throat, telling herself that she had to help the engineer and that she could do this.

“I’ll be as careful as I can, alright”, she said, fighting hard to keep her hands steady as she unscrewed the tube’s cap, “tell me if it hurts, okay? The last thing I want is to hurt you.”

Holtzmann just nodded, and Erin took in another deep breath before she squeezed a sizeable dollop of the cream onto her fingers; she started spreading the stuff over Holtzmann’s back as carefully as she could, but still the blonde hissed every now and then, making her feel bad each time, as it showed that, despite her tries to be careful and gentle, it still hurt.

“Almost done”, she mumbled as she moved on to Holtzmann’s shoulders; as she focused on the area there, she noticed a long scratch on the engineer’s throat, and before she could stop herself, she ran her fingers over the injury, pulling back her hand though when the engineer flinched at her touch.

“One of them tried to tear off my necklace”, the blonde then said, before Erin had the chance to apologize, “the chain held but… well.”

“Jesus, Holtzmann, I’m so sorry”, Erin said, fighting against tears once more; she took in a deep breath in an attempt to steady her emotions, then focused on the task at hand again, glad that Holtzmann was standing with her back to her and so couldn’t see the range of emotions on her face.

Not only was she angry at the men who had done this to the engineer – if they had materialized out of thin air in front of her right now, she thought to herself, she would have kicked their collective asses into the next week – but she also felt guilty and as if this was partly her fault, even though she knew Holtzmann would tell her not to think like that, should she voice those thoughts out loud.

Because she had been _this_ close to asking Holtzmann if she could join her for a drink or two, and if she had, perhaps, nothing of this would have happened.

“Okay”, she mumbled as she got done with spreading the cream, wondering how long that one tube would last, considering how much she had needed just this time to cover all the bruising, “I think I got it all. Do you need help with your shirt…?”

“Please”, Holtzmann gave back, and despite the bruises and cuts marring her face, Erin could see her blush, and heard the hint of embarrassment in her voice; she almost told her that there was nothing to be ashamed for, but held the comment back, aware that it might only make things worse if she by saying this let Holtzmann realize that she actually had noticed her embarrassment.

“Okay”, she thus just repeated, not making a comment about Holtzmann’s embarrassment, “I’ll try to be careful.”

She gave her best to do just that, but still Holtzmann winced as Erin helped her into the shirt; and Erin feared that the pain would only get worse before it’d get better, at least for a few days, and her heart ached again for her friend.

“Thanks”, Holtzmann mumbled once she had the shirt on again, once again finding it hard to meet her eyes; Erin had a moment to notice how she drew in a watery breath, and of how her face worked as she fought to contain her emotions, then the engineer lost the fight and let out a small, barely audible sob, just loud enough for the redhead to pick up.

Wordlessly, the physicist stepped closer to her and pulled her into a careful and gentle embrace; and even though it had to hurt her, Holtzmann clung to her in response and hid her face against Erin’s shoulder, her body trembling as she cried, Erin holding her close and rubbing her back, trying to give her the comfort she so clearly needed, and hoping that what she could give her would be enough.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm so there is a mention of sexual assault in this. Like, nothing graphic? Just Erin thinking about the possibility, but a fair warning just in case.

As Saturday afternoon turned to evening, Erin went out to get dinner, for Holtzmann and herself; Abby clearly had felt bad about leaving, but just like Patty, had obligations she couldn’t get out of, and Holtzmann had reassured her that it was okay, that she could handle being on her own for a bit while Erin went to get them something to eat.

Still Erin worried as she went to the pizzeria nearby to pick up their dinner, one half of the pizza with ham and pineapple for Holtz, the other half with onion and black olives for herself, toppings the engineer always had commented on before, but which she didn’t even seem to register this time when Erin came back and opened the pizza box.

Her lack of comment was just another sign that she wasn’t quite okay, but Erin couldn’t blame her, not after she had seen the extent of the damage which had been done; she couldn’t imagine how scared Holtzmann had to have been when they had attacked her out of nowhere, and how much getting beaten like this had to have hurt.

_If beating her is all they did,_ the small voice of her anxiety whispered from the far back of her mind, and her blood ran cold as she watched Holtzmann pick at her food, _they jumped her right after she left a gay bar. You know what men sometimes do to lesbians when they feel they want to teach them a lesson._

She swallowed heavily, her appetite suddenly gone; Holtzmann did more picking at her half of the pizza than actual eating, as well, and neither of them managed more than two slices before they both gave up.

“You don’t have to do that, you know”, Holtzmann was the first to break the silence, Erin noting yet again that the blonde had trouble looking her in the eye; not sure what she meant, Erin gave her best to sound kind and calm and not as if she just had pondered the possibility that Holtzmann not only had been beaten up, but raped, too, when she asked her to clarify.

“Stay here with me”, the engineer did just that, fiddling with her necklace again and looking everywhere but at Erin’s face, “I mean, I’m good… mostly… and you surely have better things to do than look after me.”

“I want to look after you”, Erin gave back at once, “and honestly, I don’t want to leave you alone. Not with a concussion, what if you faint and no one’s around to help?”

“I don’t want to be a burden”, Holtzmann mumbled, shifting uncomfortably on her seat, looking up though after all when Erin reached out to grasp her free hand, mindful of her broken fingers though, the physicist holding her gaze with nothing but warmth and kindness in her eyes.

“You’re not”, she told the younger woman, running her thumb over her knuckles, the tender gesture making Holtzmann’s heart clench up, “don’t worry about this, okay? Just focus on getting better. You’re one of my best friends, I want to help you through this the best I can.”

“…thanks”, Holtzmann said after a moment, even managing a weak smile, Erin smiling back at her, “I… that means a lot Erin, thank you.”

Erin gave her another smile and told her not to mention it, then got up to remove the pizza box; and once that had been taken care of, she joined Holtzmann on the couch again and suggested a movie or two for them to relax, smiling as she leaned closer to the engineer, as if she was telling her a great secret.

“I have Abby’s Netflix password”, she whispered, and if it wouldn’t have made the stitched-up cut hurt, Holtzmann would have raised an eyebrow, “let’s mess up her recommendations with sci-fi and horror movies!”

“You don’t like horror movies”, Holtzmann pointed out, earning a shrug from the physicist, her response making the engineer smile again as well, and touching her enough that for a few moments, she even forgot all about her pain, both physical and emotional.

“Yes, but you do”, Erin told her, “and my job for the near future is to make you feel good, so I’ll watch whatever you want with you.”

“Aw”, the engineer let out, earning another smile from the redhead; it didn’t take long until they had chosen a movie – “standard slasher fare, nothing too creepy”, Holtzmann had reassured her – and after said movie had been running for twenty minutes, Holtzmann had ended up drifting closer to Erin on the couch, now cuddled up against her, her head resting on the other woman’s shoulder.

Erin wondered if Holtzmann could feel her heart race in her chest at the close contact as she moved her arm around Holtzmann’s shoulders – _only to be more comfy,_ she told herself, fully aware though this wasn’t quite true – and, if the blonde did, what it made her think; if she was noticing, and had any thoughts about it, she kept them to herself though, just watching the movie in silence.

Another half hour passed, and thankfully, the movie wasn’t too frightening indeed; and just when the fourth teenager was killed by the movie’s villain, Erin noticed how slow and calm Holtzmann’s breath had become, and carefully moved a bit so she could look at her face, smiling when she realized that the engineer had fallen asleep.

Not wanting to wake her up, Erin sat as still as she could, and watched the movie; her mind was wandering though as she thought back to the moment Abby had called her, to Holtzmann’s behaviour ever since they had found her at the hospital, to the engineer’s obvious discomfort when she had told her she didn’t want to be a burden.

Once again, the nasty voice of her anxiety piped up, and brought up thoughts so much darker than Holtzmann’s behaviour; and again, Erin found herself afraid that the attackers had gone much farther than beating the engineer up, her stomach turning at the thought, and her chest feeling oddly tight when she realized that there was no way she could ever just ask Holtzmann that.

She realized that the hospital’s file on the engineer would have that information, but grimaced when the fact that she had no way to look at those files came up in her mind next; and even if she would find a way, and might out find that way that the assault had been more than a beating, it would be a violation of Holtzmann’s trust, the physicist nearly groaning out loud at the dilemma she found herself in.

She wanted to help Holtzmann, wanted this more than she ever had wanted anything else in her life, but wasn’t sure if she might not end up making things worse instead of better if she didn’t have all the information; and so, her mind raced and the movie was forgotten as Holtzmann slumbered snuggled up to her, soft snoring sounds coming from her every now and then.

_You have to figure this out somehow_ , Erin told herself while the movie came to an end, Holtzmann stirring just as the credits began to roll, bleary-eyed when she looked at the TV, then at Erin, sounding a bit surprised when she realized out loud that she had fallen asleep.

“You looked so peaceful, so I didn’t want to wake you”, Erin told her, smiling, hiding her dark thoughts quite well, “you want to watch another one or go to bed?”

“Painkiller, then bed”, Holtzmann decided, her willingness to go to sleep even though it wasn’t even ten p.m. yet just another sign for how not okay she was; Erin gave her another smile, then nodded and let her know she’d get her a glass of water and the painkillers then, her smile fading as she got up from the couch, dark thoughts still plaguing her mind, making her wonder what she could do to find out – and if she truly wanted to find out at all.


	7. Chapter 7

In the next morning, Erin was the first to wake up, having spent the night at the firehouse with Holtzmann just to be on the safe side; she had been able to tell that Holtzmann had had nightmares again when she had gone to check on her several times during the night, but at least, she told herself, the engineer hadn’t been torn out of her sleep again by the bad dreams, and Erin hoped that she had been able to get some proper rest.

Not wanting to wake her up, the physicist gave her best to be quiet as she prepared and then started the coffee machine; a quick check of the kitchen cupboards yielded a box of donuts which didn’t appear to be all too stale, and since Erin didn’t want to go out and get fresh ones while Holtzmann was still asleep, she figured that they would do.

Just when the coffee got done, Erin heard footsteps come down the stairs, the fact that Holtzmann was actually taking said stairs instead of the pole just another indicator that she still was in pain, along with the slow, careful way the blonde still was moving, and the small wince she let out when Erin told her that breakfast was ready and she sat down at the kitchen table.

“There’s coffee, and donuts”, the physicist told her, “the donuts are a bit stale but I didn’t want to leave you alone to get fresh ones while you were still asleep, if you want me to, I can get some now?”

“Nah, it’s okay”, Holtzmann let her know, managing weak smile, even though smiling made the bruises and cuts all over her face hurt, “I’ve eaten worse things than stale donuts in my life.”

“Why am I not surprised”, Erin gave back, smiling when Holtzmann winked at her in response, even though she knew this had to hurt – the bruising still looked exactly as it had when Holtzmann had been released from the hospital, and Erin figured that it would take at least two weeks, if not more, for them to fade.

Reaching out, she briefly touched Holtzmann’s shoulder, earning another smile in response; and this time, the smile reached Holtzmann’s eyes, too, and suddenly, the urge to kiss the blonde nearly overwhelmed Erin, and she cleared her throat, telling herself that now was not a good time, that Holtzmann was vulnerable and in a bad place and that she could wait until the engineer was feeling better not just physically, but mentally as well.

“Okay”, she said instead of kissing the younger woman, “coffee and somewhat stale donuts it is.”

She turned towards the coffee machine, but before she could ready two mugs with the freshly brewed liquid, someone knocked the firehouse’s front door, and Erin paused, frowning as she wondered who this might be, not expecting anyone and figuring that Holtzmann didn’t, either.

“Wonder who that is”, she said out loud, “wait, did the hospital… report what happened? Maybe that’s the police?”

“I don’t know”, Holtzmann replied, frowning, “I don’t think so? I was in no state to tell them what exactly had happened. Yikes, let’s hope it’s not Jehova’s Witnesses or something.”

Erin laughed at that and shook her head, then told the blonde she’d go and find out; clearly, Holtzmann was curious too though, laboriously rising from her chair and following Erin to the front door, feeling oddly apprehensive when the physicist pulled it open.

Part of her almost expected the men to stand there, and to jump them both, beat both of them like they had beaten her; she told herself not to be stupid, that certainly, it wouldn’t be the guys who had attacked her, they probably hadn’t even had an idea that she was a Ghostbuster, and even if they had, they certainly wouldn’t show up at the firehouse to attack her again.

Still her breath quickened as Erin opened the door, and for a moment, she was so sure that it actually would be the guys that she _saw_ them stand there; then, she blinked, and it wasn’t the men, but the owner of the bar she had been to before she had been attacked and the bartender who had been on duty that night, and she was so surprised to see them that she almost was sure she was hallucinating them, too.

“Hey Holtz”, the owner then said, while Erin looked on in confusion, not having an idea who these people were, “we just wanted to check in on you, see how you were doing. Girl, you look bad.”

“I look like a freakin’ raccoon”, Holtzmann replied, then seemed to realize that Erin was quite lost and cleared her throat, making a vague gesture at the two women as she went on.

“Erin, this is Tony, owner of the fine establishment I went to on Friday”, she told the physicist, “and this is Claire, the barkeep who was on duty when… well, when it happened.”

“Nice to meet you”, Erin gave back, shaking hands with the two women, “and it’s very kind of you to come here and check on Holtzmann, not everyone would have done that…”

“She’s been a regular at my bar for like a decade”, Tony replied, smiling a bit while Erin stepped aside to let them both enter, “I’d feel like a tool if I didn’t check on her.”

The physicist smiled back at her, then led the way to the kitchen, where she offered their visitors coffee; and once they both had accepted and all four women sat around the table, Claire cleared her throat, suddenly looking uncomfortable and a bit sad, emotions which were quickly explained when she spoke up.

“I wish I had noticed what was going on out there when you left”, she said, now looking guilty, too, to Holtzmann’s astonishment, “if I had… then we could have stopped them before they beat you so badly, I’m sorry Holtz…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for”, Holtzmann told her, shaking her head for emphasis, even though that made her neck and shoulders hurt, “come on, how were you supposed to notice? It was busy, it happened outside after I’d walked a few steps, there was no way in Hell you could have noticed.”

“I told her the same thing”, Tony reassured Holtzmann, while Erin was oddly touched by the barkeeper’s words, realizing that she wasn’t the only one who felt guilty about what had happened, even though neither she herself, nor the barkeeper were to blame, “honestly, I’m just glad Alex and Henrietta were leaving so shortly after you or this… well.”

“Or this could have ended much worse”, Holtzmann finished for her, grimacing; Tony nodded and Claire still looked guilty, and Erin reached out to briefly touch the engineer’s hand, a gesture not unnoticed by the other two women.

“So, uh”, Erin said, making them both look at her, “two of your guests left after Holtz? And… stopped them?”

“Sort of”, Tony nodded, not missing the relief on the physicist’s face, and immediately guessing correctly what Erin had been worried about, “they saw what was happening and scared them off mid-beating, after Holtz had gone down and they were kicking her. Cowardly assholes, I hope they get caught.”

Holtzmann just shrugged in response, reminded of the fact that she hadn’t made a report to the police so far, and that she didn’t know if the hospital had done so; they hadn’t said anything to her about it when she had been released, and she figured that, if they had made one, the police would have come to speak to her by now, Tony clearly having similar thoughts, since she furrowed her brow, then wanted to know if Holtzmann had actually reported what had happened.

“Not yet”, the engineer admitted, Tony’s frown deepening in response, “and honestly, I don’t know if I want to. If it’ll lead anywhere. It was dark, I wasn’t drunk, but not sober anymore either, it all happened so fast… I won’t be able to tell them much.”

“You should still report it”, Claire was on Tony’s side, earning a nod from her boss, “just so they’ll know it happened, and every bit you might be able to tell them could help.”

“I’ll think about it”, Holtzmann mumbled, and Erin just had to take one look at her to know she wasn’t happy about the thought, “um, excuse me for a moment. Bathroom.”

She got up and slowly made her way to the bathroom, and the moment the door had clicked shut behind her, Tony spoke up again, keeping her voice low so Holtzmann wouldn’t hear what she was telling Erin, just to be on the safe side.

“I know what you worry about”, she said, Erin giving her a surprised look, wondering if her thoughts had been so obvious, “and I can tell you it hasn’t happened. They were in the middle of kicking her when the other guests interrupted, and the only damage done to her clothing was dirt and blood.”

“Oh thank God”, Erin let out, her relief so big that she felt like crying; she took in a few deep breaths in an attempt to keep her emotions under control, and judging from the warm smile Tony gave her, she wasn’t the only one who was relieved, one burden lifted from her mind, allowing her to breathe easier as there was one thing she didn’t need to worry about anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

To Erin’s relief, their visitors didn’t make any attempts to stay for hours, finishing their coffee and, when Holtzmann started to look tired at this point, letting the engineer know that she’d better get some rest; they also told her to get well soon, then both hugged her as carefully as it was possible before they headed out, and once again, Erin and Holtzmann were alone at the firehouse.

“You really should get some more rest”, Erin suggested once the two had left, earning a tired look from the engineer, “no offense, but you look exhausted.”

“Like an exhausted raccoon, eh”, Holtzmann wanted to know in reply, with a wry smile; Erin wondered if this was some sort of self-defence mechanism or if the raccoon jokes meant that Holtzmann was truly getting better, then shrugged this question off for now, figuring that she could worry about this later.

“Yes”, she said instead of voicing her concerns out loud, earning another smile from the physicist, “so come on, Raccoon Holtz, make a little nest and go to sleep.”

“Do raccoons even build nests?” Holtzmann wondered out loud, ambled to the couch though while Erin shrugged; the engineer still moved slowly and carefully as she laid down on the couch, Erin making sure that she was comfortable before she told her that she’d be nearby, should she need anything.

“Okay”, Holtzmann gave back, curling up on the side which hurt least of all – lying on the other hurt like a bitch thanks to the broken ribs there, and lying on her back wasn’t pleasant, either, “but wake me up in case anything happens.”

Erin wasn’t quite sure what exactly might happen on a Sunday afternoon, apart from an emergency bust – and she certainly would not let Holtzmann go on one in her current condition – but nodded anyway, not wanting to start a discussion; she figured that Holtzmann could see right through that agreement, since the blonde gave her a sceptical look, but clearly, her tiredness won out, since she smiled again after a moment, then let out a small sigh as she got as comfortable as she could with all her bruising.

Not wanting to disturb her, Erin moved to her desk to get some work done, figuring that she could do this without making much noise; for a while, Holtzmann listened to the sound of her marker on the whiteboard, sometimes replaced by the softer rubbing noises when she wiped out a mistake, then she drifted off into sleep…

_…and she stepped out of the bar, feeling good and relaxed, just with enough of a pleasant buzz that she knew she wouldn’t be hung over in the next day._

_It had been a nice evening, she thought to herself as she started walking, even though she’d more or less been forced to turn down offers she would have accepted not too long ago – perhaps it’s stupid, she ponders, Tony certainly seems to think that she’s got no reason to hold back – but there’s only one woman she has an interest in these days, even if said interest might never be returned._

_She was still thinking of Erin and of how much she felt for her when the fist slammed into her face and stars exploded in front of her eyes._

_She heard them laugh, unable to say at first how many there actually were, and by the time her vision had cleared and she saw it was three of them, two of them had grabbed her arms and slammed her against the wall, laughing again when the breath got knocked out of her._

_“Had a good evening, bitch?” one of them asked, punctuating his words with several punches, his fist hitting her face and then her stomach and ribs, “too bad it’s gonna get much less pleasant now, eh?”_

_They laughed again, and she could smell the alcohol on their breath, and she realized in how much trouble she was; she wanted to call out for help, but despite how drunk they were, one of them realized it and hit her in the stomach again, knocking her breath out of her once more._

_Once they had made sure she couldn’t cry out for help, they kept beating her, not caring where they fists landed; and when after a while her legs buckled and she went down, they kicked her instead, until she was curled up as tight as she could, arms wrapped around her head to protect at least that from their heavy boots._

_“Hey!” a voice reached her ears, a new one, not the taunting cruel tones of the men, “hey, leave her alone! Police!”_

_She heard them curse and the beating stopped, and as she laid there, blood trickling down her face and from numerous other cuts all over her body, she heard someone call out her name, followed by rapid footsteps running to her side and the cries for an ambulance, but before she could even voice her thanks, it all got too much, and the world at first blurred, then blacked out as she lost the fight and consciousness._

Holtzmann opened her eyes and let out a small, breathless wheeze which should have been a scream; a twinge of pain ran through her ribcage, and she flinched, which only made the pain worse, forcing her to grit her teeth as she told herself that she was at the firehouse, she was safe and it was over, they were gone and wouldn’t hurt her again.

Then she heard Erin crying somewhere behind her, and froze, suddenly sure that they were there, that they had gotten in, and were hurting Erin now.

Quickly, too quickly, she sat up on the couch, the movement sending a fresh twinge of pain through her body; gritting her teeth, Holtzmann gave her best to ignore it though, her gaze darting back and forth as she tried to figure out what was happening, why Erin was crying.

She spotted the physicist at her desk, where she sat with her head in her hands, the work on the whiteboard behind her forgotten; thanks to her position, she had noticed nothing of Holtzmann waking up, only realizing that the engineer wasn’t asleep anymore when she heard the slow footsteps approach her.

“Erin?” Holtzmann said, looking at her in concern as she moved to the desk, feeling a bit awkward when she stopped next to the physicist, but figuring that some sort of comforting gesture couldn’t hurt, and so, she reached out and placed a tender hand on Erin’s back, “what is it? What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry”, Erin sniffled in response, wiping at her eyes, “I didn’t mean to wake you, I just… I don’t know, I was getting a drink and looked at you sleep and… It was like I fully realized how bad these guys hurt you, even though I’ve _seen_ it, your back and ribs and everything, it just really hit home and I realized how much worse this could have been, they could have crippled you or killed you and… I don’t know…”

She fell silent and wiped at her eyes again, feeling like an idiot of monumental proportions – she had seen the bruises, after all, like she had said, even had helped Holtzmann put cream onto them, and here she sat now, days later, and cried about what might have happened, when Holtzmann was the one in pretty much constant pain and with the broken bones.

“Hey”, Holtzmann said, carefully hugging her, mindful of her injuries, figuring that the last thing Erin needed right now was another reminder of the pain the engineer was in, “I get it, really I do… You don’t have to feel bad about feeling that way, alright?” 

“God, I feel like a jerk”, Erin mumbled, resting her head on Holtzmann’s shoulder, smiling a bit though when she felt the younger woman rub her back, “here you are, bruised and hurting and everything, and have to comfort me when it should be the other way round…”

“Don’t worry about that”, Holtzmann told her at once, and Erin wondered if she was aware of the goosebumps she caused when her fingers absent-mindedly followed the line of the redhead’s spine, “you’ve been doing so much for me ever since this whole mess started, it’s the least I can do. Feel better?”

“Yes”, the physicist gave back, managing a weak smile, “thank you, I…” She pulled back a bit from the hug and looked up at Holtzmann, and as their eyes met, she forgot what she had been planning to say; Holtzmann looked back at her with a sincerity she didn’t display often, and suddenly, Erin was sure that now, they would kiss, that she wouldn’t be able to withstand this time, even though she knew Holtzmann was still vulnerable and perhaps, kissing her in this very moment was a bad idea.

Part of her knew this, but the other part, the one which had been wanting to kiss Holtzmann for months, was louder and stronger; and clearly, Holtzmann felt similar, as the way she started to lean closer showed, Erin’s heart hammering up to her throat, making her wonder if it would actually skip a beat or two once their lips would finally meet.

Just a second before that would happen, her phone vibrated on her desk, and Holtzmann flinched back, and the moment was ruined.

“Oh”, she let out, in a voice decidedly higher than usual, nearly dropping the phone when she snatched it up, “Abby. A text. I mean, Abby sent a text.”

“Ah”, Holtzmann let out, sounding disappointed; Erin forced herself to smile at her, then looked at the text, silently cursing Abby for her bad timing, suddenly just sure that things would have taken a wonderful turn for the better, if that text would have arrived just a minute later.


	9. Chapter 9

Holtzmann felt awkward as Erin texted back, the way she stood there next to the redhead, her hand still on the older woman’s back; she would have felt even more awkward if she had pulled back now though, and so, she remained in her position, internally grumbling at herself for her inability to figure out how to act in such situations.

_Especially when you’re in that situation with the woman you have such a crush on_ , she admitted to herself, and just then, Erin finished writing her text and put her phone back onto the desk, huffing at it afterwards, but before Holtzmann could wonder what that had been about, the physicist spoke up, answering the unasked question.

“There”, Erin stated, with another huff at the phone, “I texted Abby back and told her that you’re getting better. And I told her that she sent that text at an awful time.”

“Oh?” Holtzmann let out, not quite sure what to think of this – not quite daring to hope, “she did…?”

“Yes”, the physicist nodded solemnly, “because I was about to do this just when she sent that text.”

And with those words, Erin turned in her seat so that she was facing Holtzmann, and kissed her, and for a moment, Holtzmann was sure that she was still asleep, that she was dreaming all of this.

Then, she realized that she not only could taste the salt of the tears Erin had been crying until a few minutes ago, but also the sweetness of the drink the physicist had gotten for herself, and could smell the coconut of what she assumed was Erin’s shower gel and possibly shampoo.

“I wasn’t sure if I should do that”, Erin mumbled once they had pulled apart again and Holtzmann was blinking at her, dazed, “because, well… You’re… hurt and maybe vulnerable and I don’t want to take advantage of you but… I’ve been wanting to do this for so long, so if it was inappropriate now or you’ll realize you don’t want this when you’re better, I’m sorry in advance.”

“Erin”, Holtzmann stated once Erin had fallen quiet to take in a deep breath, the redhead belatedly realizing that she’d been rambling, “I’ve been wanting this… wanting _you_ … for so long, I don’t think a few knocks to my noggin can change that now. Hey, I think your kiss has magic healing powers, cause I feel no pain at all right now, yay!”

“Aw”, Erin let out with a small laugh, touched by the way Holtzmann was beaming brightly at her, “that’s at the same time adorable and dorky. Adorkable.”

“That describes me quite well”, Holtzmann nodded, still smiling, for a while even forgetting the deep-seated unease she had felt almost constantly ever since she had come back around in the ambulance, for long enough to realize what was happening, “Holtz the Adorkable. I like it.”

“Me too”, Erin agreed, “but I have to say, I liked kissing you even more. And, well, if my kiss has magical powers, as you claimed, it is my duty to take your pain away by providing more of this medication.”

“I agree”, Holtzmann nodded, then leaned in for another kiss; and when they pulled apart again, the blissful smile was back, the engineer letting out a content hum while Erin blushed at her more than positive reaction

“You know”, she said, her cheeks still feeling quite warm, but at least, she thought to herself, Holtzmann apparently wasn’t planning to make fun of her blush, “perhaps, cuddling will have a painkilling effect, too. Think we should find out?”

“Definitely”, Holtzmann agreed at once, earning another smile from the physicist; not wasting any time, they moved to the couch, getting comfortable there before Erin switched on the TV and started zapping through the channels, until they found something which was interesting enough for both of them.

Just like when they had watched a movie on Netflix, Holtzmann ended up with her head on Erin’s shoulder; carefully, not wanting to hurt her on accident, Erin put one arm around her, marvelling at how well their bodies seemed to fit together like this as her fingertips absent-mindedly caressed Holtzmann’s upper arm and shoulder.

“This is nice”, Holtzmann mumbled after they just had watched TV in silence for a while, making Erin smile a bit, “but I might fall asleep again if I stay like this much longer. So if you have to pee, do it now, before it’s too late, cause Holtz the Adorkable will be dead weight on your arm.”

“I’m good”, Erin gave back, then tenderly kissed the top of the engineer’s head, earning another low, content hum; she smiled and kept rubbing her arm, and not too long afterwards, Holtzmann was fast asleep – and for the first time since the incident, her sleep was deep and dreamless, no nightmares scaring her awake, allowing her body to finally get the rest she needed to heal.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Erin and Holtzmann took it easy, spending most of what remained of Sunday on the couch; Holtzmann took several naps, either curled up against Erin’s side or lying on her side with her head in Erin’s lap, and the physicist enjoyed each second they spend so closely together, making sure to always touch the blonde some way, either by rubbing her arm or back or by playing with her hair, something the engineer enjoyed immensely.

“We should have done this way sooner”, Erin commented when Holtzmann was awake for a while, the engineer’s head in her lap, giving her a chance to play with her unexpectedly soft curls, even though the good feeling this gave her was pushed aside by the dark thoughts which entered her mind at her own words, and she swallowed heavily, suddenly knowing that she had to voice them, knowing that she had to tell Holtzmann about her guilt and either be absolved or condemned, but no matter what the outcome would be, she couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“You know”, she said, and the tone of her voice prompted Holtzmann to turn onto her back so she could look at her face, even though this made the bruises there hurt, “when you said you were going to the bar I… I was this close to asking if I could come along for a drink or two. And… if I had done that, if I had been brave enough… This wouldn’t have happened to you. Because we would have left at another time, or together, and if it had been both of us…”

“Yeah, it might not have happened”, Holtzmann gave back, sitting up now so she could grasp Erin’s hand and look her in the eye, “or they might have gone after both of us.”

She fell silent, thinking back to what Erin had said to her when she had told her about what had happened; finding the right words in such situations had never been her strongest skill, but she was determined to get it right now, if only so she had a chance to make the pain and guilt she could see in Erin’s gaze go away.

“When I told you what happened”, she said, speaking slowly as she chose her words carefully, “and told you I couldn’t fight back… you said it wasn’t my fault. It’s not your fault either, I want you to know that. Okay?”

Erin managed a small smile, feeling close to tears all at once – the small, nasty voice of her anxiety had reminded her of her guilt over and over again, and now, with Holtzmann forgiving her so easily, even telling her that there was nothing she had to be forgiven for, she felt almost overwhelmed, having to swallow heavily a few times before she could respond.

“I know”, she told the blonde, “and you’re right, of course you are but… I just felt so guilty, if I just had said something…”

“Please don’t”, Holtzmann gave back, squeezing her hand, “I know that is easier said than done, but you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

Erin gave her another weak smile, then leaned into her, worried for a moment she was hurting the blonde – before Holtzmann wrapped both arms around her and held her close, rubbing her back, and she melted into the tender embrace, taking in a deep breath so the engineer’s scent filled her nostrils, feeling much better with Holtzmann’s arms around her and the knowledge that at least, one good thing had come from what had happened to the younger woman.


	10. Chapter 10

In the next morning, Erin and Holtzmann were already up and having coffee when Abby was the first to arrive; and as the researcher mumbled a greeting, not capable of more than basic conversation before her first cup of coffee, Erin wondered how long it would take her best friend to realize that something between Holtzmann and herself had changed.

“So Holtzy”, Abby finally could speak properly, after the first few sips of her coffee, “how are you feeling?”

“Better”, Holtzmann told her, with a brief glance at Erin the researcher missed, “Erin was a true sweetheart and the best nurse I could have asked for during the weekend.”

Erin smiled at her, and this time, Abby did pick up on something having changed, even though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what; she shot Erin a questioning look, but the physicist just looked back at her innocently, taking a sip of her own coffee as if she had no idea what the researcher could want from her.

“Happy to hear”, Abby said after giving Erin another curious look, realizing that something was different to how it had been when she had left the firehouse on Saturday, “but you know, no busts for you until you’re fully fine again. And please, if you have to work on our gear, try to avoid all poofs, okay?”

“Even the tiny ones?” Holtzmann asked, grimacing, earning a stern nod from Abby; she sighed, then brightened up again at once, and Abby could have sworn there was a hint of mischief in her eyes when she looked at the physicist.

“I bet Erin will help me”, she stated, making Erin smile a bit, “so poofs can be avoided until my fingers are fine again. Right hot stuff?”

“Right”, Erin replied solemnly, her tone earning her another curious look from Abby; and again, she looked back in all innocence – only for Holtzmann to reveal the secret after all, as she let the other two know that she had to make a quick trip to the bathroom and made Abby gape by leaning in for a brief, gut gentle kiss from Erin before she wandered off.

“…what was that”, Abby finally got over her surprise, eyes still big, her gobsmacked expression forcing Erin to hold back giggles, “Erin! Did Holtz just _kiss_ you?”

“She did”, Erin confirmed, laughing after all at how Abby was staring at her, “what? Don’t look so surprised, you told me on Friday that she likes me too and that I should say something! Well, I did. Sort of. We also kissed… and cuddled… and it was really nice.”

“Well, I’m happy for you”, Abby told her, smiling now as well, reaching over the table to place a tender hand on Erin’s forearm, “you two deserve some happiness, especially after what happened to Holtz.”

“That almost made me not say or do anything, you know”, Erin admitted, “because I thought… she’s in a bad place, vulnerable, and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. But then it just… happened, and I brought that up with her, and she told me she’s wanted to kiss me for so long so…”

“That you thought about this only shows what a good person you are”, Abby reassured her, making her smile a bit again, “and yeah, Holtz wasn’t exaggerating when she said she’s wanted this for a long time. I think she already wanted to kiss you when you walked into the lab at Higgins.”

“Oh”, Erin let out, blushing a bit; Abby gave her another smile, then pulled her hand back to take another sip of her coffee while Holtzmann came back from the bathroom, still moving slowly and carefully as she sat down next to Erin again, but looking better and happier than she had ever since they had seen her at the hospital for the first time, and Abby smiled again at how relaxed her friends both were now, suddenly just sure that this was a good thing indeed and that this was exactly what both Erin and Holtzmann needed.

* * *

Patty arrived at the firehouse a short while later, and since Erin and Holtzmann both had enjoyed Abby’s gobsmacked reaction to them kissing in front of her quite a bit, they decided to let Patty know about this new development that way, as well, a chance they were given quite quickly as Holtzmann exclaimed that she had to get some work done once she had finished her coffee.

“I’ll drop by once I finished this report, sweetheart”, Erin said, earning a look already for addressing Holtzmann this way, and Patty’s eyes only got bigger when the physicist leaned in for a tender kiss afterwards, forcing Erin to hold back a giggle yet again.

“Don’t be miffed”, Abby commented, smirking a bit when Patty looked at her and still appeared stunned, “they did the same thing to me. Holtzmann just smooched Erin out of nowhere and my eyes nearly fell out of my head.”

“Bet Holtzy is up there right now cackling about that”, Patty said, shaking her head, getting over her surprise quicker than Abby had though, “for real though? We leave them alone here for two days and they end up dating? We should have left them alone months ago.”

“I agree”, Abby said with a small laugh while Erin blushed, and cleared her throat, “no offense Erin, but we’ve watched the two of you pine for each other long enough now. About time you did something about it.”

“About damn time indeed”, Patty agreed, snickering when Erin’s blush deepened visibly, “but, in all seriousness, I’m happy for the two of you. Just don’t do anything nasty up in the lab, who knows what you might make explode up there if you rock things too much.”

“Argh”, Erin let out, blushing so deeply that Abby momentarily feared for her health; then, she seemed to regain her composure, even though the images Patty’s words had brought up made her heart race and her palm sweaty, and she wondered if she looked as flushed as she was feeling.

“Well”, she squeaked, startled at how high her voice sounded, and judging from how Abby snickered and Patty raised an eyebrow, the two had noticed, as well, “I better get some work done. And, uh, make sure Holtz is doing okay up in her lab.”

“Uh-huh”, Abby immediately took the chance given for teasing, “make sure she’s doing okay. Especially make sure her lips are okay, huh?”

“And her heartrate”, Patty added, and at how Erin reddened again in response, both she and Abby cackled before they high-fived, prompting the physicist to roll her eyes at their antics.

“You act like fourteen year old boys”, she then accused, prompting Abby to gasp and clutch at her heart in an overly dramatic fashion, “and, contrary to what you might be thinking, I’m not going up there to make out with Holtz, I just want to make sure she’s okay. They did break two of her fingers.”

She paused, then smiled, her eyes sparkling and her next words making both Abby and Patty groan and roll their eyes.

“Of course”, Erin stated, coming to her feet, “if some making out happens, I won’t be sad about it, either.”

“Of course”, Abby echoed, while Patty just shook her head; Erin gave them a bright, all too innocent smile, then headed off to the upstairs lab, the two women watching her go before they went to work, both of them happy for Erin and Holtzmann, a fact which was clear without either of them having to say it out loud.


	11. Chapter 11

On any other day, Erin would have been a bit dismayed when no one called them for a bust all day long; she was aware that this part of their work was dangerous, and would be even more so for as long as Holtzmann wouldn’t be able to go on busts with them, but still she loved this part of their work as much as all others, thinking that she’d never grow tired of the rush it gave her when she blasted a ghost to bits with the proton shotgun or when they forced an apparition into a trap and it snapped shut.

On this certain day though, Erin didn’t mind the lack of ghostly activity in New York, even was almost glad about it – since it meant that she could spend the day at the lab with Holtzmann, help her out when her broken fingers made work difficult and just be around her, something she always had enjoyed and liked even more now, with the possibility of sharing tender kisses with the blonde whenever they felt like it.

And they felt like it often, not getting enough of kissing each other; Erin loved feeling Holtzmann’s arms around her, loved to run her hands through the younger woman’s hair when they kissed, and marvelled at how good it felt to do so, so much better than the kisses she had shared with other people previously throughout her life.

Clearly, Holtzmann had similar thoughts, judging from how her eyes sparkled whenever they pulled apart again and from the happy grin she displayed each time; and to Erin’s amazement, she even seemed to move easier as the day went on and they kept kissing, making her think back to the comment the engineer had made the previous day, about how Erin’s kiss apparently was magical and had pain-killing powers.

She had been quite sure that this had been just Holtzmann being her usual adorkable self, but as she saw how much less careful the engineer’s movements were, she started to wonder if perhaps, there was some merit to the blonde’s theory.

As she helped Holtzmann with her work the best she could, always having been better at theoretical work than at working with her hands, she barely noticed how time flew by, and ended up somewhat surprised when Abby came upstairs to tell them that Patty and she were heading home.

And as the other two left – Kevin having wandered off hours ago, not taking the office hours to heart as much as the Ghostbusters – Erin realized that she probably should do the same, she still had clean clothes for the next day here at the firehouse, and if there’d be a bust and she’d end up getting slimed, as it often happened, she’d have nothing to change into.

“I should make a quick trip home, too”, she let Holtzmann know about these thoughts, feeling bad when she saw a flash of dismay on the engineer’s face, even though Holtzmann was quick to hide this again, “just to get some clothes and stuff. Will you be fine here on your own for a bit? Or you can come with me if you like?”

“I’ll be fine”, Holtzmann gave back, and anyone who didn’t know her well enough would have believed her; Erin could tell that she was putting on a brave face though, and felt bad again, not wanting to push her though, and so, she just nodded, then smiled at the blonde, the engineer weakly smiling back at her, clearly not as comfortable with the thought of being alone at the firehouse as she was pretending to be.

“I’ll have my phone with me”, Erin told her, reaching out to touch her hand, glad when Holtzmann didn’t pull back, “just call me in case you need something, alright? And I’ll stop by at the store on my way back and bring you some Pringles.”

“And Red Bull?” Holtzmann asked hopefully, perking up visibly; smiling, Erin reassured her that a few cans of the stuff would find their way into her shopping bag, too, and the smile the engineer gave her in reply looked much more genuine and happy than the one she had displayed a minute ago.

“Thanks babe”, the blonde said, and being addressed this way made Erin feel all warm and tingly inside; she reassured Holtzmann that she’d hurry, then leaned in for a gentle kiss before she headed out, eager to get this errand done as fast as possible so Holtzmann wouldn’t be along for too long.

* * *

As she watched Erin leave, Holtzmann felt her chest tighten up, and nearly flinched when the front door fell close behind the physicist; and then, she just stood there for a while, in the now eerily quiet firehouse, feeling oddly lost and becoming all too aware of how lonely she was, something she never had been bothered by _before_.

How lonely, and how vulnerable, injured and in pain.

_Don’t be stupid_ , she told herself, taking in a deep breath and giving her best to ignore the twinge of pain this sent through her rib cage, briefly wondering how much longer she’d have to deal with this pain, _you’ve been alone here before, all night long! Nothing’s gonna happen, and Erin is going to come back soon, anyway._

Telling herself that she had to keep her mind occupied, Holtzmann moved back to her workbench, even though working wasn’t exactly easy with her broken fingers; she told herself though that even slow and somewhat difficult work would be better than just sitting around and waiting for Erin to come back.

It took a bit of shifting on her seat until she had found a way to sit which didn’t make every breath hurt; she still wasn’t as comfortable as she had been in that very same seat a few days ago, but she tried hard to ignore the random twinges of pain as she focused on her project again, reminding herself of the fact that this was important work, on gear they needed for their work.

Just when she reached for her blowtorch, the floor downstairs creaked loud enough to let her hear it up in the lab, and Holtzmann froze.

_Don’t be stupid,_ she told herself again, but still reached for a nearby wrench, one of her heavier tools, _don’t get paranoid. This is an old building, of course there’ll be creaking floor boards and ceilings and walls._

Still her hand was sweaty as she held the wrench tightly, her heart racing in her chest and her breath coming in short, pained bursts; she sat perfectly still and strained her ears, and when another creak sounded from downstairs, Holtzmann nearly jumped out of her skin.

_It’s them_ , the part of her brain which was being taken over by her panic and trauma screamed, drowning out the small rational part which tried to point out that they hadn’t even had an idea who she was when they had attacked her, _it’s them, they’ve come here to finish the job, they’re gonna hurt you again and this time they’ll maybe even kill you…_

The wrench clattered to the floor from her suddenly numb fingers, and she flinched as she heard another creak, from the stairs this time; and before she could allow herself to stop and think about this, she had slid off her chair and beneath the workbench, pulling her knees to her chest despite how much this hurt, trembling in her hiding place as the fear and panic had her fully in their grasp now, each small noise making her flinch again as she was sure that it was the men coming back to hurt her again.


	12. Chapter 12

When Erin came back to the firehouse, she immediately felt that _something_ was off, even though at first, she couldn’t put her finger on what exactly gave her this feeling.

Then, she realized what was bothering her – it was eerily quiet in the firehouse, no music and no sounds of Holtzmann working coming from the upstairs lab, and immediately, alarm bells went off in Erin’s head.

Quickly, she put down the backpack filled with clothing and books she had brought from her home, and the shopping bag with Pringles and Red Bull for her girlfriend; and then, she called out “Holtz?” as she approached the stairs, and her heart skipped a beat when no response came.

“Holtz?” Erin tried again as she walked up the stairs; and when she made it to the top of said stairs, she heard the small whimper, and her heart cramped up.

_Oh my God she fainted and fell and hurt herself and now she can’t get up, I never should have left her alone here, Erin what were you thinking!_

She hurried into the lab, looking around frantically as she tried to figure out what had happened, where Holtzmann was; for a few tense seconds, she couldn’t spot the engineer, then a tuft of blonde hair beneath the engineer’s main workbench caught her eye, and for a moment, she almost allowed herself to feel relief.

Then, she saw how pale Holtzmann was, the tears drying on the younger woman’s cheeks, the way she was hugging her knees to her chest despite how much this position had to hurt her, and she realized that, while Holtzmann perhaps hadn’t fainted and injured herself, she was far from okay.

“Holtz”, she said, giving her best to keep her fear out of her voice, not wanting to startle the blonde even more, for the same reason approaching her slowly, lowering herself into a crouch once she was close to the workbench, “it’s okay, everything is okay and you’re safe. It’s just me, alright? Is it okay if I touch you?”

She wondered if Holtzmann was going through a kind of panic attack while the engineer gave a brief, terse nod, and for the first time in her life, she felt oddly glad that she knew what going through this was like, hoping that this knowledge would help her to figure out what to do, eager to make this better for the younger woman.

“I know you’re scared”, she said, giving her best to sound calm and soothing, “and that’s okay, but you’re perfectly safe here. Alright? Can you try to focus on your breathing for me? Come on sweetheart, try to breathe like me.”

She placed a gentle hand on Holtzmann’s arm and took slow, controlled breaths, eyes never leaving the engineer’s; and after a while, Holtzmann’s breathing slowed down and she looked less panicked, even though she was still pale and Erin could feel her tremble beneath her gentle touch.

“It’s alright”, she said again, rubbing her arm soothingly, “you’re perfectly safe here, Holtz, no one is going to hurt you. Do you think you can come out from underneath there? You must be in pain.”

Holtzmann nodded, and Erin wasn’t sure if she was agreeing to the assumption that she was in pain or if she was telling her that she could come out from beneath the workbench; apparently, it had been both though, since the engineer started to move out of her hiding place, only to falter and wince, clearly pained after having sat there like this for at least an hour.

“It’s okay”, she kept reassuring the blonde, reaching out to help her, taking gentle hold of her forearms and giving her best to actually help her and not accidentally make it worse, not sure if she was succeeding when Holtzmann let out another wince as she got out from beneath the workbench.

“Okay”, Erin said once Holtzmann was somewhat awkwardly crouching next to her, “think you can get up?”

Bravely, Holtzmann nodded and, with Erin’s help, indeed came to her feet; her muscles were stiff after having crouched beneath the workbench for more than an hour, and her ribs and back were screaming at her, but this pain was oddly dulled, overshadowed by the sudden deep shame she felt.

“I’m sorry”, she whispered before Erin could say something, unable to meet her eyes, “I wanted to get some work done but… There was some sort of noise and… I don’t know, I was so sure it’s them, that they’ve come back to hurt me again or… finish what they started and I know it’s dumb and childish and stupid but I…”

“Holtz, sweetheart, no”, Erin gave back, tenderly caressing her cheek and making the engineer look at her, eyes swimming with tears now, “what happened to you was horrible and traumatizing, and no expects you to just go on as if nothing happened. It’s okay to feel this way, and it’s not stupid or childish, alright?”

Clearly, Holtzmann didn’t quite believe her, but at least, she got her tears under control before they could actually fall, and Erin told herself that this was a small victory, smiling reassuringly at her as she ran her thumbs over the engineer’s cheeks again, mindful of the bruises there, not wanting to hurt her.

“It’s okay”, she said again, words which always had helped her when she had gone through such dark times, and she hoped they would do the same for Holtzmann, “please don’t feel bad. Do you want to come downstairs with me? I brought a few things for you.”

Again Holtzmann nodded, and Erin kept one arm around her waist as they walked to the stairs together, just to be on the safe side; the engineer was a bit wobbly on her feet, her muscles still stiff and aching, her bruises not helping, forcing her to move even slower and with more care than she had ever since she had left the hospital.

Still, fortunately, they made it down the stairs without incident, and Erin guided Holtzmann to the couch before she told her that she’d be right back; nodding, the engineer grimaced as she tried to get comfortable, shifting this way and that until she had found the position which hurt the least.

By the time she had accomplished this, Erin came back from where she had dropped her stuff, carrying her backpack and the plastic bag; she put the backpack down on the floor again next to the couch, then sat down next to Holtzmann, smiling at her as she held up the bag from the grocery store.

“Goodies for my mad engineer”, she smiled, glad when Holtzmann smiled back – it was a weak smile, barely more than a slight raise of the corners of her mouth, but it was better than no smile at all, “look what I got you.”

She reached into the bag of goodies and pulled a can of Pringles out first, glad when Holtzmann’s smile widened a bit; a sixpack of Red Bull followed next, making Holtzmann look even happier, and the final item Erin pulled out got her the kind of bright smile she had grown to love so much over the last few months, even though she’d never understand why Holtzmann liked this particular item so much.

It was a candy bar made of salted peanuts which were held in the appropriate shape by caramel, a candy Erin thought was an abomination against nature, but one which Holtzmann loved – because of course – evidenced by how her eyes lit up when she accepted it.

“Thank you hot stuff”, she said, the physicist relieved that the shame and guilt was gone from her voice, replaced by genuine happiness, “those are my favourite!”

“I know”, Erin smiled, earning another bright smile, “I don’t exactly understand _why_ , but I know.”

“You’re the best”, Holtzmann declared, then her gaze softened as she put the items aside so she could grasp Erin’s hand, “and I mean that. And not just because you brought me all this stuff. Thank you for… helping me like this, and thank you for understanding.”

“Nothing to thank me for”, Erin reassured her, smiling back at her as she gently ran her thumb over the other woman’s knuckles, “I’m glad if I can help.”

Holtzmann gave her another smile, then leaned in for a brief, but gentle kiss; and afterwards, the couple just snuggled on the couch for a while, Erin quietly reassuring the blonde that she was there and that she’d do whatever she could to help, holding her close and rubbing her back and shoulders, happy about each little smile she got from the engineer in return.


	13. Chapter 13

For the next few days, Holtzmann and Erin practically lived at the firehouse, the engineer not wanting to go home to be there on her own and Erin not wanting to leave her alone; the blonde’s bruises began to heal, changing from the angry blue and purple to lighter tones, then to a greenish tint, the cuts and scrapes all over her body healing, as well.

It would take longer until her ribs and fingers would be healed fully, they both knew; still it made her feel oddly good to look in the mirror and see that the bruises were fading, and even though she still jumped whenever an unexpected noise came from somewhere in the firehouse, she told herself that she was healing, and that soon, she’d stop being scared of random noises, as well.

Part of her was aware that she hadn’t left the firehouse since she’d been released from the hospital, and she knew that this wasn’t healthy; she didn’t mention it to Erin though, and if the physicist was aware of this, she didn’t bring it up, Holtzmann feeling almost absurdly grateful for the time Erin was clearly willing to give her to heal, never pushing and prodding, just helping her the best she could.

“These bruises are starting to look much better”, Erin said a week after Holtzmann had been released from the hospital, yet again helping the engineer by applying the cream the doctor had prescribed to her back; the bruising at her rib cage was still bad, healing much slower than the rest, but at least the bruising of her back and shoulders had faded to green and yellow, “does it still hurt?”

“A little”, Holtzmann told her, missing the sympathetic look Erin shot her since she was with her back to the redhead, “but not nearly as bad as it did… well, right afterwards. That cream really helps, too. And your skilled fingers.”

At this, Erin blushed and cleared her throat, shaking her head even though Holtzmann couldn’t see her; they hadn’t done more than make out and cuddle so far, and even that with care, due to the engineer’s still healing injuries, but that had been more than enough already to make Erin feel decidedly aroused, and she was quite convinced that, once they would actually do more, the smallest touch between her legs would be enough to set her off.

“There”, she said, distracting herself from these thoughts and trying to ignore the tingle between her legs, “all done. Good thing you’re healing so nicely, cause that cream is almost gone.”

Holtzmann let out a vaguely agreeing noise as she put her shirt back on – something she at this point could do without any help from the physicist, even though it still hurt a bit – then turned to look at Erin, smiling weakly at her as she mumbled a soft thanks for the physicist’s help.

“Nothing to thank me for”, Erin reassured her, smiling back at her as she grasped her hand, “you mean a lot to me Holtzmann, I’m glad I can help.”

“You do”, Holtzmann reassured her, then tugged at her hand, pulling her closer for a gentle kiss; and just as they pulled apart again, Abby called out from outside the bathroom door, making them both jump.

“Guys!” the researcher was saying, raising her voice to be heard, “you done in there? Bust!”

“We’re done!” Erin called back, while Holtzmann grimaced – she was in no state to go on a bust, she knew, but the thought of staying alone at the firehouse made her heart clench up, and from how Erin looked at her, the physicist had similar thoughts, concern showing through her features as she asked the engineer if she would be okay.

“I’m not sure”, Holtzmann decided to be honest about her troubles, her voice taking on the stilted tone which showed that she was uncomfortable, “I mean I know I can’t go on a bust yet but the last time I was alone here… I don’t know what to do Erin, I mean, I haven’t left the firehouse since the hospital let me go home…”

“…do you think you can drive?” Erin wanted to know after a moment, not wanting to leave Holtzmann behind alone, remembering all too well what had happened the last time the engineer had been at the firehouse all on her own, and knowing that the way the blonde had been hiding away in this building ever since she’d been allowed to leave the hospital wasn’t healthy, either, “maybe you can drive us there, and then, I don’t know, wait in the car, or hang back…”

Holtzmann nodded at once, glad that Erin had had this idea – she didn’t like the thought of just driving and not actually being part of the bust, but the idea of sitting around at the firehouse alone and perhaps having another panic attack had even less appeal.

“Alright”, Erin smiled, taking tender hold of her hand again, “let’s go then.”

Abby shot them a questioning look when they emerged from the bathroom together, but before she had the chance to ask, Erin stated that Holtzmann would drive; for a moment, the researcher looked as if she might protest, then saw the look Erin was giving her, and just nodded, smiling a bit at the grateful look the physicist gave her.

“But no busting, Holtz”, Abby then said, the strict tone of her voice making Holtzmann grimace again, “you’re in no state to chase around ghosts yet and you know it.”

“Yes, I know, Abberoo”, Holtzmann gave back, to the researcher’s surprise, Abby having been quite sure that Holtzmann would argue about this and not accept it at once, “I just… don’t want to hide away in here anymore. I’ll just drive, I promise. And maybe help if one of the packs has a little hiccup or something.”

“Sounds good”, Abby nodded, then clapped her hands, “okay, let’s go then, we got a frightened client waiting for us!”

Patty already had changed into her coveralls, and raised an eyebrow when Holtzmann appeared there with Erin and Abby; just like the researcher, she knew that the engineer was in no state to actually go on a bust, but she read the look Erin shot her as well as Abby had, and didn’t comment on the engineer’s presence, only asking if Holtzmann wanted to put on her own coveralls.

“Nah”, the blonde told her, smiling a bit, Patty smiling back at her at once, having noticed as well how Holtzmann had been hiding away in the firehouse and feeling glad that the younger woman was willing to go outside again, “no worries Pattycakes, I’m just your driver today. No bustin for me.”

“Good”, Patty said solemnly, earning another small smile from the engineer; then, Erin cried out “Shotgun!” and made them all flinch, since this was rather unusual behaviour for her, the physicist smiling a bit sheepishly before she shrugged.

“What”, she then said, pulling her coveralls from her locker, “I want to sit next to my girlfriend. Sue me.”

“Just don’t try to snuggle her during the drive”, Abby advised, earning an eyeroll while Patty cackled; then, the four of them headed to the garage, and while Holtzmann was nervous about leaving the firehouse, she told herself that she could do this, that things would be fine and that she could handle this, especially with her friends and girlfriend by her side.


	14. Chapter 14

The drive to the bust didn’t take long, the haunted office building being somewhat close to the firehouse; and even though Holtzmann felt twinges of pain in her back and ribs and fingers, she ignored them the best she could, finding herself wondering though if Erin was noticing, the way the physicist kept one hand on her thigh the whole time telling her that she was picking up on _something_.

Giving her best to not let it show that she was both in pain and quite nervous, after the days she had hidden away in the firehouse, Holtzmann focused on driving, and on the warmth of Erin’s palm on her thigh; the physicist’s presence was enough to help her keep her calm, and her tender touch only helped further, and by the time she parked Ecto-1 at the building from where the call had been made, she felt quite good and almost like she had before the men had jumped her out of nowhere.

Not feeling like waiting in the car, Holtzmann got out with the other three, earning a strict look from Abby and raising her hands, reassuring her again that she wouldn’t be part of the bust, but wanted to at least go inside with them; figuring that it’d be somewhat mean to make her wait in the car, Abby nodded her agreement, and the four of them entered the building, Holtzmann staying at the back of the group, feeling oddly vulnerable now, without her coveralls and proton pack.

As they entered the building, a man and a woman approached at once, the woman in the lead, looking relieved at their appearance; this was quickly proven to be correct, as she said “oh thank God, here you are!”, stopping in front of the team and wringing her hands, clearly not sure if a handshake was appropriate or not.

“I’m Marcia Stine”, she finally settled on introducing herself without a handshake, “I called your office, this is my assistant Martin Sunderson, he’s managed to take a video of the ghost with his phone.”

“Here”, the man said, stepping forward with his phone in hand; from the corner of her eye, Erin noticed how Holtzmann stiffened up, and gave her a brief, calming glance, the guy noticing nothing of the silent exchange since he was busy with his phone.

“That ghost is a real pain in the ass, you know”, he said, and Holtzmann took a step back from him, the look Erin gave her now both concerned and questioning, the blonde’s face paling so drastically when the man spoke on that Erin feared her girlfriend might faint any moment.

“A total bitch”, Sunderson said as he showed the video to Abby and Patty, either not noticing or not caring that Holtzmann and Erin weren’t paying attention, and not noticing the hard look both women gave him for the foul language; a moment later, this was forgotten though – as Holtzmann turned and bolted from the building, Erin following her without a second thought, suddenly just knowing that something was horribly wrong and that she had to do what little she could do to make this better.

* * *

Holtzmann didn’t run far, stopping on the sidewalk after just a few steps; her whole body trembled as she clutched the wall for support – and just when Erin reached her, she bent over stiffly at the waist and threw up, both the puking and the sharp pain this sent through her ribcage bringing tears to her eyes.

“Holtz”, Erin said, sounding both alarmed and shocked, stopping next to her and placing a hopefully calming hand on her back, “what’s wrong? What is it?”

She had a vague suspicion what it might be, but didn’t want to say it out loud, not as long as she couldn’t be sure; Holtzmann confirmed her suspicions a moment later though, once she had finished throwing up, the tears which still glistened in her eyes when she looked up at the physicist making Erin’s heart clench up.

“It’s one of them”, the engineer croaked, sounding as if talking was physically hurting her – and perhaps, it did, Erin thought to herself, realizing that puking couldn’t be good with broken ribs and a broken nose, “I know it is Erin, I know, he was one of them, when he talked… I know…”

“I believe you”, Erin reassured her quickly, not sure if this was the right thing to so, but figuring it couldn’t hurt, pulling her into a tender embrace, giving her best to not let the anger which was flaring up brightly within her show through her voice or features, not wanting the engineer to think that she was angry at her, “really, I do.”

Not sure what else to say, she just held Holtzmann, and rubbed her back, trying to help her calm down; the younger woman clung to her as if holding on to Erin was keeping her from drowning, her breath coming in short, hectic gasps for a while, but to the physicist’s relief, she calmed down somewhat after a while, at least enough for her breathing to slow down a bit.

“I can’t go back in there”, Holtzmann mumbled once her breathing had slowed down enough to let her talk, the shame in her voice clenching Erin’s heart up again, “I’m sorry but I can’t… I… I’ll wait in the car or something, I just…”

“It’s okay”, Erin reassured her, still rubbing her back, “you want me to come with you?”

Holtzmann wanted her to, but shook her head, knowing it could be dangerous already to go after a ghost with three people instead of the whole team, especially with how used they had gotten to having all four on a bust and the dynamics which had developed within their team; Erin gave her a doubtful look, but didn’t argue, rubbing her back again in response, still hiding her anger quite well when she told Holtzmann that she should call her the moment she’d need anything.

Holtzmann gave a brief nod, eyes downcast as they walked back to the car; Erin’s heart was heavy as she watched the engineer get into the vehicle, but she didn’t try to talk her into going back inside with them, and the moment she turned away from the car, her features hardened as she now let her anger come to the surface.

Setting her jaw, Erin marched back into the building, where their clients and Abby and Patty were still waiting in the lobby; looking worried, Patty started to ask her what was going on, but before she could even finish that question, Erin had walked past her – straight up to Sunderson, and while he still looked confused, she stopped right in front of him, Abby’s eyes going wide as she realized what was about to happen.

“Erin…!” she still had time to say – then Erin pulled back and punched the man, straight in the face, hard enough to make him stumble back, then fall, his eyes dazed when he hit the carpet, Marcia looking on in shock while Abby rushed to Erin’s side and grabbed her arm, before she might get the idea to go after him once more and maybe kick him.

“He deserved that”, Erin spat, while the man groaned and struggled to sit up, “and more than that, actually. Miss Stine, perhaps you should ask your assistant what he does in his spare time when he’s out and about, drunk with his two friends.”

“Drunk with…”, Abby started, then her eyes widened as she realized what Erin was implying; Patty and she still hadn’t been given any details about what exactly had happened to Holtzmann, but the engineer’s reaction to the guy and what Erin just had done was enough to make the puzzle pieces click into place, and from how Patty clenched her fists, the historian had come to the same conclusion.

“Miss Stine”, Abby said, voice carefully calm and controlled now, telling Erin how angry she was now, as well, “I suggest that your assistant leaves for the duration of our work here. Or he might get hurt again.”

“What the Hell is going on”, the woman demanded to know in response, clearly not sure if she should be shocked or angry, “you come here, one of you freaks out or something and then when Dr Gilbert comes back she punches my assistant? What the Hell!”

“Ask him what he did Friday the 18th”, Erin coldly gave back, unimpressed by her anger, and finally, Sunderson seemed to have recovered from the punch enough to realize _why_ he had been hit; his face paled drastically, and he looked so guilty that his boss immediately picked up on it and narrowed her eyes.

“I guess we will discuss this later”, she then said, making the man gulp audibly, “for now, I’ll choose to believe that Dr Gilbert had her reasons to act this way. Now, would you ladies please take care of our ghost?”

“Yes, let’s go get the job done”, Abby quickly agreed, still holding on to Erin’s arm, just in case, the physicist giving the now seriously worried looking Sunderson another glare as Abby pulled her along, not going after him again though, figuring that he’d pay for what he had done soon enough.


	15. Chapter 15

When the three women returned to the car after the bust had been completed, Holtzmann was standing next to it, playing with her phone; she looked up at their approach and frowned at how Erin was rubbing her fist, concern in her voice when she asked if the ghost had put up a fight and if Erin was okay.

“Wasn’t the ghost who hurt her, honey”, Patty told her, smirking a bit, Abby trying hard to look stern, but failing as she had to admit that the man had indeed deserved the punch, and much more than that, “it was the jaw of the guy, you know the one. When she punched him in the face.”

“What”, Holtzmann squeaked, eyes going wide behind her yellow-tinted glasses as she looked at Erin in shock, “you punched him?!”

“Yes”, Erin replied, grimacing as she flexed her fingers – she knew how to throw a proper punch, but it still hurt, “and I’d do it again, and more than that, if I had the chance. He deserved it.”

In response, Holtzmann just stared at her for a few moments, long enough to make Erin wonder if perhaps, punching the man hadn’t been the best idea, after Holtzmann’s recent experiences with physical violence – and just when she started to get seriously worried, the engineer suddenly stepped forward and hugged her tight, burying her face in the physicist’s shoulder as she took in a few deep breaths in an attempt to control her emotions.

“Thank you”, she finally mumbled, her voice muffled as she hadn’t raised her head yet, “it’s probably not right or nice to be happy about this but… thank you.”

“It’s perfectly okay”, Erin reassured her, smiling at her when she finally lifted her head again and their eyes met; and even though she had never been a big fan of public displays of affection, Erin couldn’t have cared less in this very moment, leaning down a bit to gently kiss the blonde, Abby and Patty grinning at the sweet moment, Erin blushing when she noticed the way her best friends were looking at Holtzmann and herself.

“Okay”, she said after she had cleared her throat, cheeks still reddened, “let’s get back to the firehouse and put this ghost into the containment unit. And Abby and Patty, if you don’t stop grinning like that, I’ll be annoyed.”

“Don’t punch them”, Holtzmann said, smiling a bit, and snickering when Erin raised an eyebrow at her; after a moment, the physicist smiled as well, then reassured her she wouldn’t, stealing another quick kiss before they all got into Ecto-1 and drove back to the firehouse, Holtzmann behind the steering wheel again, glancing at Erin every now and then, grateful for what the redhead had done for her, no matter if it had been the right thing to do or not.

* * *

Hours later, Erin and Holtzmann were alone at the firehouse, Abby and Patty having gone home for the day; the ghost had been put into the containment unit, and now that dinner had been eaten, the couple was snuggling on the couch, Erin idly playing with Holtzmann’s hair as the engineer’s head rested on her shoulder.

“You know”, Holtzmann mumbled after she just had been enjoying being so close to Erin for a while, “thinking this might make me a bad person but… I kinda wish I could have seen you punch that guy in the face.”

“That doesn’t make you a bad person”, Erin reassured her at once, moving her hand from her hair to rub her arm and shoulder, still mindful of the bruises there which hadn’t quite faded yet, “that’s… I think it’s a normal reaction. They did this to you for no reason, just because they could, and this never should have happened to you, not in a fair and just world, but we don’t live in such a world, so… it might not be exactly right, and it’s illegal for sure, but it’s a sort of justice. You know what I mean?”

Holtzmann nodded and managed weak smile, even though she now worried that having punched the man might have some sort of legal repercussions for Erin, then shrugging these concerns off, telling herself that they could worry about this once it’d happen and that it’d be a waste of energy to fret over it now.

“I know”, she thus said, instead of voicing her concerns about the man filing a report against her girlfriend out loud, these thoughts forgotten as another thing pushed to the front of her mind, something she had been fighting hard to ignore ever since the men had jumped her that fateful Friday night, but something she realized she just had to reveal to Erin now, or it’d eat her up from within, “it’s… you know, it’s… it makes me feel nice to know that I have people in my life now who’ll stand up for me when… something like this happened.”

Her voice had grown stilted and monotone again as she had been speaking, and that was enough to tell Erin that she was uncomfortable; the physicist froze, suddenly just knowing where this would lead, but not saying anything, fearing that, if she interrupted Holtzmann now, stopped her from talking, the blonde would clam up and wouldn’t reveal what she was about to say.

And even though Erin wasn’t sure she truly wanted to know, she kept quiet, because she knew that Holtzmann had to tell, that possibly, this was something she had been carrying around for a long time already, and that now, the right moment to let it surface finally had come.

“Something like what those guys did has happened before you know”, Holtzmann did speak on after another second, the words leaving her in a stilted rush, the way she had tensed beneath Erin’s hands showing how uncomfortable she was, but still she didn’t stop, not allowing herself to stop even when the words made her stomach clench.

“A long time ago, when I was sixteen”, she told Erin, the physicist just holding her close in horrified silence, “but back then no one cared, no one did anything to help, the people I were with, you know, foster… people, they told me I deserved it and that I should keep my mouth shut. So I did, and then it happened again, for the same reason, but now I have you guys…”

“Jesus, Holtz, I’m so sorry”, Erin gave back once Holtzmann had fallen silent again and she could be sure that the engineer didn’t want to add more, shocked by this revelation – she had known that the younger woman had had an unhappy childhood, but she hadn’t had the slightest idea that it had been _this_ bad, and her heart hurt for the younger Holtzmann who had been forced to go through this all on her own.

“This never should happen to anyone”, she continued, pulling the blonde a bit closer and rubbing her back soothingly, hoping that she was making it better with her words and by being so close, “and that you had to go through this so young, and without anyone helping you… I’m so sorry you had to go through this. But you’re right, you have people now who will stand up for you, who will help you. You mean so much to me, I just… I want to make you happy, and I don’t ever want to see you hurting like this again.”

“You make me happy”, Holtzmann told her at once, swallowing heavily before she could continue, “you really, really do. And you mean so much to me too Erin…”

Erin pulled her closer then, and kissed her, trying to put the things she couldn’t say – not yet – into this kiss; and from how Holtzmann kissed her back at once, and held her close, she had been successful.

Neither of them said “I love you”, not yet, both of them fearing that, while it certainly would have been the truth, it might still be too early to say out loud; as they held each other close though, and their kiss deepened, they knew it to be the truth, anyway, even with neither of them saying it out loud.

And as Erin ran her hand down Holtzmann’s back again, the engineer came to terms with her pain, from the past and from the more recent incident, smiling into the kiss as she embraced the physicist tighter, overwhelmed by happiness at finally having the family and love she had been longing for in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it is done :) I hope you enjoyed even though it was so self-indulgent xD Next one will be coming soon :)


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